I HAD TO ABORT MISSION BECAUSE THE FIRST SEX SCENE WAS JUST ABSOLUTELY GRUESOME. I DON'T WANT THIS STUPID RAPE-CULTURE FUELED FANTASY FRAMED AS ROMANCE AND COUCHED IN GAUDY BULLSHIT WHEN CLEARLY, A FUCKING RAPE SCENE
IS HAPPENING HERE. And that's aside from the everything else =_=
read below to see my reaction escalate from ridicule to frank discomfort :D
(also, repurposed fanfic
? I mean, the author does have a history of P2P
pg 1 - Ew. Eewwww. Eeeeewwwww. You failed. He ain't likeable. *omg so freeking tempted to abort mission sooo much ugghh fine I'll read on*
pg 2 - *squint* "Havisham"? ..."Havisham"? Now why on earth does that sound so fami- Oh, right:
Yeah, that's got me thinking sexy thoughts.
Also, "Darren Kaine." Why does that feel like a porn name? And geez, now that I'm thinking weird thoughts like that, look at all these possible innuendos, with the "city walls" that have "been breached" and, oh, look, "courtesans of the Pleasure Quarter," and yeah, let's keep talking about prostitutes.
Lol, hey, look, rhetorical question tackiness/ret-ques-by-way-of-exposing *cough cough* exposition...ing... the story. How shall we answer all of these rhetorical questions? Why, with a crude non-answer, of course!
(in italics, no less)
Oh, look. All of these "orgasm"s to add to the porn mix already concocted on page 2.
Yeah, yeah, Pavilion is the rockstar of the porn world oh wait in this world it's just the world which is, again, stupidly named (seriously? Havisham? Why hasn't someone changed that stupid name already? And even if they don't know the Dickens thing, why would you want your magic city to have the word "sham" in it? No one was symbol-minded enough to want something, I dunno, more symbolic and less simple-minded? *snort in digust* "Havisham"...
Migrated to no-longer-on-page-2
You know what, this enumerating the page number thing is getting tedious; out with it.
Oh, wow, Cale does a fuck up. Who
have seen that
Oh, wow. Okay just wow. Bullshit, bullshit, melodramatic bullshit. Oooh look at that. The author pulled a Stephanie Meyer and got ahead of xyrself. Either that or Cale is a judgmental sex-minded asshole.
Oooh and the boo-hoo-you part.
O_o what the fuck I thought the chap was over but nooo we need a brief awkward POV jump first.
Oh, crap this thing's written in present tense. Oh wait it's not a POV jump just a really weirdly phrased sentence.
the POV jump.
I'd like to point out a Darren-is-an-asshole line:
He’s never been to a whorehouse before either, let alone to one as luxurious as this…Pavilion, but he knows instinctively that none of the cosseted courtesans with their pampered bodies and simpering faces will do it for him.
...seriously? "He knows instinctively"? Was there a need to make that sound so cosmically meaningful or magically skillful? Like wow, none of the rest of them give him a boner, maybe he's not into them. And wtf is up with the ellipses? Is he not sure what this place is called? No, because later on he clearly knows this place is the "Peony Pavilion" and has all sorts of status symbols and shit attached to it, so he's just being a condescending holier-than-thou fuckhead.
He knows it’s crucial to be seen claiming his spoils. It was worrying at first when the courtesans paraded in front of him failed to catch his interest. Thankfully, he at last found spoils worth claiming.
...I'm sorry, was that supposed to be romantic? I think the term I'd use would be more along the lines of, hmm, "domineering asshole, yeah?
“Um,” says Cale, “may I pour you a drink, or—”
“Strip,” says Darren, and starts stripping his own clothes off.
Cale’s eyes go wide. “Okay,” he says faintly and shrugs off his tunic. He fumbles while doing so, and that shouldn’t be charming, but it seems Darren likes unprofessionalism in his whores.
Not helping your case, dude. Like I'm starting to get creepy pedophile vibes from you O_O
There’s no way the kid’s never done this with a client, no matter what he says. His mouth’s too pretty to have spared him that kind of attention.
You wanna know what that sounds like? This is what it sounds like
Darren: "He was asking for it, what with his erotic body and lips, and have you seen his ass? Clearly he's a slut, which makes this all okay."
Cale’s gaze keeps flickering over him and away like he can’t bear to look at Darren directly. Cale is naked now too—all long, lean limbs and a pleasing musculature, slight but supple. He isn’t hard, but Darren can change that.
Darren: "Eh. I can make him physically respond, which would mean that he consents, because look, he'd clearly want it, practically begging for it."
Do you know how fucking uncomfortable I feel right now? Like I feel like this Darren asshole is raping children. That's how uncomfortable this situation is. Like wow, he's not like most people, but because he wants to get straight to the fucking and not do some talking before. And hey, look, he just wants Cale to call him "Darren" and rejected "Sir" and "Master," wow, so romantic.
What the fuck when did Cale get hard?
Oh, I see it now. Very very obscurely, after Darren does some nipple stimulation (and ooh what a saint, Darren doesn't feel "a flare of pleasure, hot and sharp" until AFTER he stimulates Cale into hardening *snort of derision*).
...is this tagged? ...because this is rape, man. I mean, sure, shitty situation and all that, and clearly Cale was going to be an ingenue from the blurb, and Darren was going to be an asshole, but wow. This...this is rape. Like as far I can tell, Darren is just an asshole and Cale is too stupid to even put up a modicum of a fight. You can't even call it dub-con (because fuck you, physical reaction does not equate possible consent. It's just physical reactions to physical stimulation).
I get the whole "fantasy" element, but I'm seriously uncomfortable with this. pre-read
Before I even begin I'd just like to say I HOPE DARREN GETS FUCKED IN THE ASS OMG LIKE I WANT HIM TO BOTTOM BECAUSE OTHERWISE THIS THING WILL BE A STUPID DEFLOWERING OF THE STUPID INGENUE STUPID THING
also wow "Cale"? of all the kale-related spellings, "cale" is possibly even worse than "kale." Then again, I probably just have a prejudice against C's.