Eh. It starts in media res
, and rather clunkily so.
List. idk quite of what. Stuff that I took issue with? Probably? Also random things I pick out to snark about either explicitly or sarcastically? I guess it's kind of EWW-style, then, since it's a list and I'm keeping score. But then, some of the stuff is just personal commentary, so *shrug*
[As usual, I do this because I'm a querulous fruit who isn't happy unless everyone else around me isn't happy either, which is why I leave such trolling reviews on stuff when I should be grateful I received a thing for free and be a decent human and not leave troll reviews on said thing, which I clearly do because I'm a jerk and a troll, and this got away from me. At this point, I have no idea what I was trying to do with this, or if I was trying to accomplish anything with this, really.] ANYWAY, onward ho.
(1) Why is the hamster dazed if the MC is taking pictures of it? Is the MC being an asshole and using flash on it? Also, why would he be using flash? Flash is great if you just want shit lit up, but in my experience, it doesn't give great art shots.
(2) What an asshole aunt. Oh wait. MC probably has parents, right? Nvmd, kind of, then. [I was thinking wow, what an asshole. Sure, okay, don't let your kid nephew touch your hella expensive camera, but you won't even buy him a halfway decent one? He has to use a "cheap knock-off"? Granted, if the knock-off works, then who cares what brand it is, but still. The way it's stated.
____a) apparently the knock-off is still good enough of a camera that lenses can be bought for it.
(3) Wow. This model guy. They made him sound all haute couture and shit. Apparently, he does "fashion modeling" (but don't get too excited yet) "for major retailers." Retailers. Like, Target. Okay. Who looks at Target ads and goes, "Wow, what a model." Maybe he can be the fluke that sometimes happens in catalog.
(4) What a judgmental prick. "This broad Katie, she's such a walking cliche. Eh, but I suppose she's nice enough. To most people. But of course, she's not as pretty as Lucas."
We get it. MC is in love with Lucas('s looks, of course. Only his looks. Nothing else. Of course not.)
(5) Wow. "Sure, Lucas is nice enough a guy, good-looking, sure, but there are people nicer than him and better looking and more popular at school than he." Aha. Confirmation on Lucas as purely catalog. And yet somehow with angles that scream at MC to be photographed. Suuure, he doesn't have a crush. He's too cool to crush on the local celebrity like the rest of his school.
(6) What the hell. How much of an asshole is he if he just "dozes off"? This would make sense if he were a college student. Or if it were mentioned how he gets shitty sleep. Or got shitty sleep last night. Otherwise he's just an asshole who sleeps while his friend is talking to him in the middle of the goddamn day.
(7) Wow. Lucas doesn't date because school. And MC totally gets it; he does the same thing. Something about this speech sits wrong with me. It reads rather stilted. Like wow, pretentious much. Also do real people say this shit or is it just a bit you're practicing? It sounds like the shit you awkwardly half-mumble to your mom when she asks you why you don't have a boy/girl/friend yet.
(8) MC: wow. what is girl. friend is girl? of course friend is girl. What she mean "look at me like I'm a girl?" *rolls eyes* I dunno, I tolerated it when HP did it, but here, it falls rather flat. I guess MC doesn't quite have the same buffoonish charm that Harry and Ron had, and Friend here doesn't quite have the same soul-deep long-suffering sort of existential anguish about it Hermione had.
(9) Do these fools in his school really just "sort of sway" at dances? Come on. That's not American high school dancing. No freak dancing? No jumping up and down and arm waving at the very least? What sort of awkward boring music and what sort of uptight community do they have that they just "sort of sway"?
[sidebar: Wow. Study Hall. My school never had study hall. Or rather, you could get a free period, if you worked your schedule in such a way, but you go to the library and, I dunno, "do homework" or hang around or whatever. It wasn't really "study hall," per se. I'm always slightly fascinated when I see references to this "study hall" thing.]
(10) Dad is "pouring" through a newspaper. Also pouring through it like it holds the wisdom of the world.
____a) Mom in kitchen, dad with paper, mom bustles around, dad puts foot down, mom jumps to obey. No. Fuck no.
(11) "Patty giggled."
[sidebar: cheap knock-off camera is good enough to have a digital viewer.]
(12) Odd descriptions of light being absorbed by people and bouncing off people. I dunno, it just seems like a horribly awkward-turtle way of describing something. I feel like for an art-centric piece, there might have been a better, more, I dunno, poetic way of putting it.
(13) MC is apparently named "Torrance."
(14) "...James said I daydreamed too much and we had a long standing tradition of a 'love tap' to ensure I was awake. Usually I was just thinking about lighting and camera angles, but I suppose to most non-photographers that sounded a lot like daydreaming."
abuse. Also, sidebar, but I resent that I had to type that out by hand. Not seriously so, since I guess, sure, it makes sense for the LHNB people to protect the document from printing and copying, but no, not really, since they're already providing the document for free in multiple formats and also online. Too bad I didn't have internet access or I would have just copy+pasted from the GR version, or something.
(15) Dad pulls head of household bullshit again, which I personally resent especially in the face of certain RL circumstances that have happened lately, namely, a family trip in which I had to have prolonged and personal contact with my family for longer than a few hours at a time.
(16) "Unlike most other kids, I didn't stand in front of the bathroom mirror and snap a picture with my phone." First off, grammar, not colloquial enough. Second off, having never been "most other kids" and having felt quite a lot of existential angst from the dissonant feeling of "never quite fitting in" for pretty much all of my life, I resent this condescending bullshit. I would love to be able to understand normal people. This sort of bullshit hipster talk sounds like normals who think they're different from other normals, but really, are in many ways even more painfully normal than the mass majority of baseline normals.
___a) "if my art didn't speak for itself" hiiiipsteeeer
[sidebar: wtf so bizarre. Many Facebook friends? I dunno, it's bizarre for me because I tend to only use Facebook for people I know IRL. I mean, I get paranoid on the internet, so that's probs why?
(17) "The next morning slammed into me with the screeching of my alarm clock."
[sidebar: I don't find MC endearing at all. This is supposed to be endearing, as evidenced by the subsequent "Six was way too early for a Saturday."
(18) Asshole MC takes 45 minutes to take a "quick scrub" and comb his hair, then brushes off his mom's breakfast because who has time for that shit, right? Also, wow, it takes him 2 hrs to get up and get ready for the shoot by 8? How the fuck did he survive? Back in high school, I wouldn't wake up until about 30 minutes before A Period was supposed to start and got all my shit ready and would be able to get there. That's including a 5-10 minute drive.
(19) The impact of the modeling is lessened by the heavy implication that Lucas does mostly catalog work. For Target, no less.
(20) "Someday I'd have the guts to actually ask if I could take his picture." Ah, is that what the kids are calling it these days?
(21) Lucas is apparently not internationally known, or even implicitly well known in the industry, seeing as no one but locals would see him in a Target catalog and cry "Look, it's Lucas!" with recognition. Why on earth was this guy so eager to have gotten Lucas?
(22) You'd think Aunt Patty would have enough experience with models to know that modeling isn't necessarily something that just anyone can do. Unless it really is all catalog and they don't care. And/or they really were that desperate.
___--> really that desperate.
(23) wat. since when is duckface good advice for posing. Yep. It must be catalog. Really really catalog.
I think the most genuine I feel MC being is this here:
"Most sessions like this yielded thousands of pictures but only a handful would ever see print. Would anyone recognize me? Was it weird that I wanted them to?"
Clearly this guy knows little of models. Most model-thin people I've seen, mostly on ANTM, seem to lack boobs anyways because of said thinness. As if a lack of boobs is going to tip anyone off.
Also, what. "'Most of the models I work with are so cold it's hard to get in the groove with them.'" What. What happened to "you can't fake chemistry"? Has ANTM been lying to me, then? Are most models bland plastic glorified manikins after all with no personality or life to speak of? Does this thing where they can fake chemistry exist then?
My eyes kind of glazed over after a while and I didn't feel motivated to backtrack.
I dunno, it just feels like it gets kitschy... I'm sure that's sappy sentiment and all that, or something, but *shrug* doesn't do much for me, tbh
O hey, look, they lampshade the fact that Lucas does low-level mainstream stuff.
Do these stereotypical high schools with stereotypical popular people exist? The high school I went to was nothing like the TV shows and movies. There were cliques, sure, but technically everyone was just in their own little group and stuck to their own little groups and no one really was "in power" or anything.
I dunno, this whole thing just didn't work for me. It's just so...mainstream. Like I can see how it might appeal to normals, but it does nothing for me, and in fact, some parts actually make me cringe at how hackneyed it seems to me. It's like me sitting through the panel for Scorpion when they showed the pilot at Comic Con. I was "ugh"ing every few minutes and pissing off the people around me, but it was just so...ugh. I mean, for something that's apparently supposed to be about a genius it sure was pedestrian and with the stupid purposely placed moments that lose any of their impact because they're so purposely placed. And the obligatory romance. For the MC who apparently has no EQ.
But yeah, *shrug* I didn't hate it, per se, but I certainly didn't like it, and it just wasn't my thing, probs.