Reader's Discretion Advised

I don't know what to make of it. At all, really. I have no idea how to react. I'm not quite sure if I like it, dislike it, or am indifferent towards it. There was a time when I knew for a fact I didn't dislike it. And then it wasn't over and it kept going and then I really have no idea how to react. It...

I dunno. Meh. There's something about the characters that bothers me. A little something about each of them.

Jeff...I dunno, inconsistent? But it kind of feels like they all sort of are. What was up with the tapeworm? Was there a reason for it to be there, other than Because Reasons? And then there was the weird top!Nigel seed blatantly and pointedly "planted" (more like laid artlessly above the topsoil). That annoyed me. That was the author trying to tell me what to think, and I don't like that.

Nigel...hmm... Nigel. He was...abrasive? Well, to a certain extent, I find all the characters abrasive, but mostly because of character construction. No, he was...trite. A fecking Mary Sue, through and through, and all that. I mean, what exactly was his issue other than either #FirstWorldProblems or #WhitePeopleProblems? I mean, I get there's a bit of the boo hoo poor little rich boy in my perception, but I still feel like I don't really know why he acted the way he did other than, "Oh, no, Imma be forty soon. That's positively ancient. What am I going to do? And oh, those stupid, meanie Mass Public. They only think of me as a stupid party boy to gawk at. I mean, clearly, I don't do anything to perpetuate that impression. I don't go and get caught giving blow jobs in alleys in drag. I don't throw these weird-ass party-orgy-idk-whats. I mean, I'm the epitome of a mature individual, which I demonstrate by doing stupid shit like not dispell rumors and get caught giving blow jobs in alleys in drag. The Mass Public has no right to see me as a quirky oddity at all who does crazy shit. That's totally out of the question."
Yeah, pull the other one.
His names. I mean, Nigel Gasp is bad enough. Nigel Hazard...somehow seemed even worse. And then Hazard Alley (whatever the fat Jeff/Deirdre's last name is) (unless it was the gf's last name. in which case I really have no idea). I mean, Deirdre's not even a press-hungry celebrity. As far as I can tell, she's supposed to be like a PA or something like that. Srsly? WTF's wit' that name, yo?
Also, before I talk more about Deirdre and her wtf, I have more about Nigel. Nigel's got all these Magic Skills. He has Magic Singing Ability. He has Magic Drag Ability. He has Magic Random Language Ability. Random Magic Camoflage. Random Magic Can-Act-Anything. Random Magic Mimcry. He's got this prefunctory Shitty Past (TM). Something something absent mother something absent father something something idk never knew mother something something I don't even remember.
You know what I don't even want to talk about this anymore I'm like over 9000% done with this right now. Thank god I wrote the following part before I backtracked to the "also before I talk about Deidre..."

Deirdre... well, was a plot device/caricature/who the fat knows what. She exists to say lines the author needed to, idk, torture Jeff or something. And to exist as the Interchangeable Tyrannical Female Figure.
Also, are she and her girlfriend Token Lesbians? It kind of feels that way to me.

Momma Jeff (I don't remember his last name), similarly, existed to be the Interchangeable Tyrannical Female Figure, as well as the Passive Aggressive Mother Who Loves Everyone Except You (her kid) figure.

At about 22% I couldn't believe it wasn't over. Which didn't make that much sense since there wasn't an ending yet. I mean, no, it did because I kind of wanted it to be over. As in, "WTF why is there so much left how can it possibly not be over asjdkfljasdf what is this madness."



Oookay. Getting into the end, one of the big, big problems I have is this supposed revelation of a supposed character transformation in Nigel. I feel like it's not quite what they're trying to make it be and he never was a selfish for the sake of being selfish character, which means the entire appeal to pathos in the end falls apart, at least for me. It fails to pass the logos test and this entire story's ethos is already pretty shot by this point. I've still got another good 8% or so until I get to the end of the doc, I think.



Blah, blah, blah. Stuff happens. I believe none of it. Oh, god, there's more. OH, FINALLY, THE END.
*sigh Thank fuck.


Post-mortem:
There are interesting concepts. There is maybe an interesting premise. It is either taken in the wrong direction, not fully explored, or the one I'm thinking of is not the one the author had in mind.

I feel like the story wasn't so much about Nigel as it was about Jeff and by changing the Jeff focus to Nigel, the author copped out (can you say that?) on the premise. I feel like what should have happened is a more [b:Define "Normal"|222525|Define "Normal"|Julie Anne Peters|https://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1388215194s/222525.jpg|2085853] sort of situation because Jeff's the one who seemed like he needed more. Sure, Nigel was an idiot with low self preservation instincts, but it all seemed really willful. He never really seemed out of control, whereas Jeff clearly was imploding even as outwardly he seemed to be holding himself together. That would have been a much more interesting story, and also a more apt one, especially for the beginning the author wrote.

(lol I was going to give it a two-star, "meh" shelf at first, too. When I was still at about 22% and wishing it were over. And then I started skimming and started getting real tired of their shit and any remaining sympathy I had for the characters evaporated. Sublimated, more likely. Not even in the liquid state. Just poof, became gas.
Yeah, now's definitely the time to cut myself off [you know, when I start going into layered parentheticals and long-ass extended analogies that serve no real purpose except I have no idea {like, ranty stuff? And, you know, snarking at the author/characters/world in general?} Okay no, that's it]. I need to stop now.)