Eh. The narration is a bit choppy and awk, which kind of makes it all sound a bit contrived. There were some things that were a bit gimmicky, imo, and it was clear the entire thing was engineered to lead up to that point anyways.Anyways, maybe it's just cuz I already have the "real" Qhuay so I'm judging this by different standards or something, but I feel the character dynamics are a bit off. I feel that they act quite OOC and...pedestrian. The vamp dynamics are a bit different, too, and it's more a run-of-the-mill vamp romance.'Course, I don't exactly know the other characters that well (aka everyone's who's not Qhuinn or Blay. Or John Matthew. I kind of got to know him a bit more) so I can't quite judge the OOC/not OOC-ness of the others.As soon as the Mine moment happened, I was pm just waiting for the *choke *shudder Yours moment.This quote:(Blay's talking to Layla)"'Something will move inside of you and you will know its right.'"Oh, I bet it'll move inside her.Reminds me of the lyrics of Hallelujah.But remember when I moved in you,And the Holy Dove was moving, tooAnd every breath we drew was Hallelujah*deadpan* There is nothing suggestive about these lines at all. At all.*squintIsn't Fritz doggen? Do those dudes have shellan and hellran?There are some really weird moments for me, but maybe when this was written, certain characters' personalities (like Saxton's) weren't quite completely set yet?*poutsI don't like this psychopathic, vengeful Saxton.It makes him a not-classy slut D: Saxton needs to be the "Classy Slut."This makes him all Lash-like and eww-y.I guess it's not bad. It has more by way of "relationship development" between the two of them than Lover at Last had, I guess, but since I was reading the "series" exclusively for Qhuay (and some select peripheral stuff), I kind of treated it all as one unit in my head, so what was there was good.Ah. There is it. MineYoursOverall, it's not bad. As I said, some of the character dynamics and world specifics seemed a little off to me.I like that Qhuinn's bottoming, though, cuz I have these weird preferences/wishes like that. (My other reviews will attest to that)Besides, Qhuinn makes for a really adorable pushy bottom.IMO, if you ignore the first ~49%, the rest of it reads more like an After Lover at Last thing for me (dynamics-wise, I mean. There are some plot points that wouldn't have happened after Lover at Last/would have happened already). They settle into their whole thing quite quickly here (argh, I almost typed "qhuickly." My fingers seem to love putting h's after q's now...) and get into the whole sex-every-second "honeymoon" period.Blay's mom's reaction made me sad. Really, really sad.And the two of them move right into kinky sex.Because all gay people are kinky. I should have known. It's in their contract, after all.And what exactly is A&E? Cuz American Eagle's just AE. Google leads me to this:http://www.aetv.com/"You live at a motel, right?"So...maybe A&F? But then...what happened to Urban Outfitters?Qhuinn's a lot more...benign in this one. He's more the weepy female-type here. I mean, not completely, but certainly a lot more than in canon.Actually, I know what it is now. It reminds me of Rowan McBride's works, since xe goes for the whole role-reversal type thing, where the formerly really buff dude becomes the uke and Black Magic happens and makes the dude crushing on the formerly really buff dude into the All Powerful Seme.I exaggerate here, obviously, but it's got that vibe. (Just read a couple of xer works (e.g. [b:One Shot|6767853|One Shot|Rowan McBride|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1251412617s/6767853.jpg|6966901], [b:Want Me|2904213|Want Me|Rowan McBride|http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1349005911s/2904213.jpg|2931357]. You'll see what I mean))Okay, so maybe I'm not so happy after all about Qhuinn doing the bottoming. *angry face* I wanted him to bottom, not become an uke.I laughed cuz it says "asthrux nohstrum."Hmm...Overall...it's not bad, I guess. (...dare I say it? I think I will.) For a fanfic. It reads like a fanfic. It's got that vibe.I had issues with the character dynamics, but again, I'm not sure if that's because I really think it's OOC (it's probably at least partly that) or if it's just because it's different from canon (but then, that kind of ties into the OOC thing). I don't quite remember how much was told yet as of bk 8, so I'm trying to make some allowances, but overall...idk. It's not bad.I'd say 3.5/5 rounded down for the grammatical issues - spelling, punctuation, misusued homophones, typos, etc.