Reader's Discretion Advised

let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good let this be good After I read:So...much...repetition. Poor Kherin's an echo.This is sloppy. There's a lot of that can be streamlined to make this a good narration and not just a "well, at least they give you most of the information?" one.There are parts that are so painfully obviously purposefully vague so as to be "mysterious" that I don't know if I want to rage-quit or cringe.It gets odder because whereas most authors tend to make their characters speak overmuch, Kherin seems to speak over-little. For some reason, it comes off as the author not knowing what to do with the character more than a character quirk, probably, now that I think of it, she had Kherin being all echo-y at the beginning.The concepts themselves aren't bad, I suppose, but this is one of the most sloppily-concepted universes I've ever encountered. I was going to say "fucked up" at first, except I have encountered some pretty fucked up dystopias that were masterfully thought out and built up in the text.There's just something subtly off about everything. Like there are ideas, and then there are other ideas, but the disparate parts don't quite mesh together because they're taken from slightly different - but different enough to be jarring - sources.The narration also falls apart a bit. Something about the diction just isn't quite there.There also seem to be a lot of cop-outs. Where the author could have helped establish character voice, xe sometimes ops for narration, telling the reader that the character told such information in such a way as opposed to showing us how the character would have relayed this information. It doesn't even need to be that long, and the characters don't have to tell everyone else everything all at once. It also would make the conversations more realistic.Derek seems alternatively very useful and very useless. I don't even think he's actually useless. It's just something about the way the narration is executed gives the impression of "...why the fuck won't you do something, because you clearly can, or should be able to, right?" In "eloquent"-speak, he occassionally comes off as strangely ineffectual and strictly reactive, which makes him useless as sidekicks/love interests go.So, I've been wondering about this. Bro's got a cut on his back. He gets seizures. And yet, the narration seems to imply he's laying on his back most of the time. Now, granted, laying on one's front isn't exactly optimal, and laying on one's side isn't very practical for someone who so debilitated, but laying on his back with a back wound?This has been bugging me the entire time since the bro was introduced so oddly early.There was a point when I could disregard how little sense the plot made and how haphazardly the universe was put together and enjoy the slow burn between the MC and LI, but it soon became tedious.And then I couldn't take it seriously anymore and the love scenes between them became melodramatic.The ending was abrupt. The epilogue was stupid, jumped all over the place, expounded on this Tristan person who still seems too purposefully veiled in mystery by way of spitefully withheld information. The final scene was annoying, impactless, and in many ways, senseless.It's like the base materials were good - or would have been, except they were mostly salvaged from stuff that was good - but shoddily worked together, so the more time passed and the more it went on, the more it felt apart.The epilogue was like the Finale in the movie version of the Les Miserable (which was, overall, rather deficiently scored anyways), where the final note/chord was being sustained, crescendoed, but instead of cutting it off at the peak and letting the music resonate, they brought it down to an impotent fade away. This gets into the technical side of music a bit, but if you're going for impact, let the music impact. Let it end on that crash. Why the fuck would you use a crash cymbal if you're going to do some weird computer-generated fade-away?It's like sprinting towards the end zone, but then deciding it was a good idea to jog the last 10 yards. It's like running towards home base, but deciding to walk half-way between third and home. It's like deciding you should walk the last leg of a marathon. Or of a sprint race. It's like swimming slowly on your last lap of a race on purpose. Or any other variety of poorly conceived sports analogies. It is 4am as I write this, which is probably a sign that I shouldn't have gone down this road to begin with.Anyways, it was weird, then it was kind of good-ish, and then it was tedious, and then the ending just killed anything that might have been good about this.Sigh. So much lost potential...It's sad that Tristan becomes the only character I care to learn more about, and he's the one with the melodramatic "ooooh I'm so mysteeeeeeerious" bit going on, although it comes off as more author-inflicted.