Reader's Discretion Advised

The author makes a valiant effort, but it falls flat in many, many ways for me.

Comments:
Boo, alien cultural appropriation. Boo, Orientalism by proxy.

Also, what the hell is the premise of the undercover op? I thought they were trying to take down whoever runs the slave trade? As in, whoever is in charge of the auction - acquires the goods, markets then, etc. But then they're all "oh, yeah, need to get sold and then send a signal." But then, in that case, they'd only be taking down one brothel. Sure, a large one perhaps, but wasn't that what the initial explanation of the point was?

Also, we fucking get it. Illythe is involved in this shit, but he's Not Like the Others. He's reluctant, Once a Slave, blah blah blah.

Blech.

And also, why a geisha in a brothel? Why not an oiran? Fits the theme better. Though I guess since presumably Illythe doesn't service anymore, a geisha could fit? And I'm not Japanese, but reading manga and looking for supplemental info online has taught me that really, it's the maiko who dress up the way non-Japanese and others stereotypically perceive geisha to look like.

I feel like I need to start making an EWW list yeesh.

...all right, Imma start. I'm at hmm about 30%?
1. Whores don't kiss cliche
2. MC wonders if Japanese-style clothing in a kitschy Japanese-style brothel has some deeper meaning, like to create the illusion of fragility (which, okay, I guess it could have that function, but come on, look around you. yeesh)
3. All those damn cat references in the span of a page. We get it. Sex kitten. Yeesh.
4. What the hell exactly is the point of the mission? To find the location? To find who the big boss is? Clearly, they're not actually trying to take down the slave trade network. They're only aiming for one brothel.
5. Jaded MC is jaded cliche

50/132 I'm done
First off, Orientalism turned me off the universe premise. Secondly, I just couldn't connect with the characters. They all seemed rather rote to me, and nothing really seemed to make them stand out in a good way. It's like the author kind of goes for the raw visceral passion, but then pulls back. There were parts I actually got drawn in, but then the author pulled back before the tension built up to a crest and dissipated it with more rote blah.

The premise of the investigation is still unclear to me, and I didn't feel like sitting and sifting through the text again to try to figure out what exactly the end goal was and why/how that would involve MC to be sold other than Filling the Prompt.

Big Bad was meh. Author hinted at badness, but didn't go fully into letting it play out, so the descriptions were kind of just meh descriptions of why he's evil and bad: because he's evil and fucks horrifically.
I dunno, man. The point is tentaclesex is titillating. Why else choose Japan, right? Should have explained why Scion tips over from titillating horror to outright horror instead of relying on the vanilla/socio-normal "omg tentacles and rape is happening; how horrific" explanation.

TBH I have a better time reading Oiran Girl and pretending the LI really is secretly servicing men and is gay for that one guy who comes to visit LI's oiran persona so much, and MC is just LI's former mistress (but not, like, in a BDSM way)(no like srsly he was a servant) and now best friend and fellow oiran.
But I suppose YMMV.

...Aiden's narration is as awkward as his interactions with Cole. ...wow, I really hope this serial telling is deliberate :/

Oookay. Read on and it kind of is.

The thing with Cole's suicide dreams...I totally get that. For me, they're more idle musings than anything, but the whole "they're just dreams" "but you can make them real" internal dialogue is pretty damn on point.

Not going to a hospital with broken bones = bad. Especially since MC didn't have any supplies to split it up with (unless he did and it was tacit?)

Biggest problem is, though, by chap 7, I realized I didn't really care about the characters. The story was able to regain my attention, but that interest dissipated again by the end, which wrapped up far too quickly and in many ways, conveniently. Still, for a LL story, it's not bad, and it had its moments.

Holy. Mother. Of God.

How I felt at the beginning:
...what a singularly peculiar piece. Not without its charm, certainly, but how perfectly befuddling.

It's...intrigue within intrigue. It took me a while to figure out what was going on, certainly. But the way it was executed...it kept you just off balance enough to disorient and intrigue - and perhaps frustrate - but hinted at enough that you weren't frustrated into abandoning it for purposefully being a withholding asshole.

The weirdest part is, by the end, I still have no idea what was going on, really, but I don't quite mind. Sure, it'd be nice to have all of the information, but it's a character piece more than anything, and it certainly has character in spades. And whoo, the intrigue and suspense.

Seeing as it does keep going, though, it'd be nice to eventually get some more facts.

By the end, though, I'm suffused with this vague sense of timelessness and awe. In a sense, the lack of details on the specific case is probably what gives it that timeless quality (at least so far, anyways; maybe the world will work differently in the future).

And yes, the writing is magnificent. Que bella.

I'm a sheltered child who grew up in the dangerous, dangerous locale of Warm Springs District in Fremont, and spent most of her more formative years (i.e. middle school and high school, cuz srsly, those are the years I remember better anyways) in Whitey McWhite-People Suburbia.

In short, I didn't spend a lot of time in places with gang activity or frequent violence, and so I don't possess a realistic fear of guns, which allows me to view this fetish as if it were any other sort and, if not understand, then attempt to imagine along with the MC the sort of fantasy-fueled thoughts running through his head.

I dunno, I find Benjamin endearing, like watching a little boy with his first crush.

Also, pretty sure this whole gun thing is a big innuendo. Or could be. Gun is a traditional innuendo for penis, after all.
Like the scent of the power is the scent of semen, and the whole "You have shot a gun before...?" line is like the "...you have had sex before, right?" sort of line, and then the MC stammers about handjobs and awkward fumblings and then kind of goes "I mean, we orgasmed, right?"

But yeah, wow. As fantasies go, that was wow.

I went into this one with trepidation because I couldn't get into this other book by the same author.

Weird thing: apparently, the reason mers can shift to "human" form is so they can procreate? You mean mers have no, you know, mer way of procreating? ...that doesn't sound right...

I dunno, the writing's not quite sophisticated enough for me. The characterization is a bit obvious, and Raef frankly is TSTL, which I get is the point, but the way he's written makes him seem more idiotic than charmingly naive.

Still, it's not bad if I metaphorically squint my eyes at it.

Also, wow, apparently merpeople speak and read English instead of some form of Mermish.


Eh. Sure, the story's not quite as refined as it could be, but it still has a certain charm about it. Still, it's awkward because author tries to write in the voice of Raef, but doesn't seem to quite grasp the character, so some of the narration comes off rather forced.

Still, once I get used to it and mentally lower standards a bit, it's enjoyable and Raef is sufficiently adorably dweeby that I still enjoy myself.

Kemp is apparently TSTL, too, unless mermaids have some sort of truth serum effect on people.

Meh. Whatever. I still liked the story, in the end, though I think I thought the ending was a bit hokey. It's a cute little bit of unsophisticated fancy that, while slightly ridiculous and certainly not without problems, also isn't without its own sort of charm.

1. This story is quirky, decidedly charming. The Chinaman showing up gave me pause. The first thing to come to mind was that one Jackie Chan movie where he was in the Wild West (Carson City?) and they kept calling him "Shanghai Kid" and he kept telling them "I'm not from Shanghai." That one line, every time, just keeps repeating in my head.

But then, what the fuck is "Shiang Hai"? Unless it's "Xiang"? Cuz "shiang" is not an actual sound.

And the malapropisms are strange and unrealistic. Replacing a more common term with a slightly less common one? Some that are closer to simple spoonerisms, okay, but ESL speakers don't generally make actual words when they mess up sounds and switch them around. But idk, it's fiction, so I guess my experience with Chinese ESLs can be different than that described, even if I do grumble about unrealisticness.

Eh. Ridiculous crazy batshit bullshit. But like, good bullshit, you know.


2. ...what the fuck is this. This...I can't condone this. Herein lies the path to madness, and whatnot. Sure, the LI makes the MC feel alive and invigorated, but so does fucking arsenic at first. LI is bad for him, leads him down the path of destruction and insanity. Goddamn, LI is a fucking psychopath. I'd have preferred it if MC had actually turned him in tbh.
What the actual fuck. I suppose to be fair, the author did warn that this one was unpleasant...

3. haven't read it yet; need a break from this 'verse before I get into this one, which is apparently similarly, if not more, "unrelentingly unpleasant."

An incredibly well-conceived piece. It ventures into menage territory, but instead of just throwing the peeps together and hand-waving it away under Power of Love, the dynamics and the coming-together are analyzed and explored within the context of the piece.

Admittedly, the analytical side speaks to me personally since that's how I tend to deal with the world.

Main niggle is what the hell is going to happen with Will? How is he going to be incorporated it - or will he even be incorporated in, in the future? gdi hope there's a 3rd book...

This goddamn book changed my life. I still hate it because I tell you, having to figure this goddamn thing out for AP Lit was NOT fun, but I also have to admit my grudging awe for this transcendent experience.

JFC author. Way to scare me.

This one line in the beginning, where the MC is examining himself critically in the mirror, seriously had me worried.

"The last year had turned me into an old woman."
Srsly, my mind screeched to a stop and stared at that line in horror and had me reading the next few pages with trepidation. Cuz, you know, it's all in first person with no indication of pronouns, and I sat there thinking, "Oh, god, this isn't a het romance, is it?"

Luckily, a few pages later, the character's tentative maleness was established when he stripped off swimming trunks, and later again when he was referred to as "Tim."


But srsly. Not cool.


This piece is weird. The MC's situation is weird, mostly because there's so much unrevealed that gets slowly revealed. It's certainly got charisma, though.


I'm a bit miffed that we never find out what MC does with the knowledge he learned through his investigations and that author ended it on the romance note. It's kind of like what they did in Captain America: The First Avenger. Idk, I just don't like it when they do that because then it seems like they're saying the romance - what there is of it - is the main story and any actiony stuff is sideline, which I guess is borderline okay for M/M...eh. *shrug.

Eh. Whatever. I still liked it overall, and it had nicely written visceral bits.

Running Commentary since it's late and brain is mostly reactionary, or something, idk:

Welp. Author did it. Sucked me into the story. Got me to care about the characters. Engaged me in visceral moments. Very nice.

And I do believe I spy a mythology reference, decidedly Greek-flavored.

Wow. It went from mostly fantasy to sorta political-thriller-y. And then it went back to being more fantasy-y.

But seriously, these two little idiots are absolutely adorable together. Shan is glib-dweeby and T-whatever is stoic-dweeby and it all meshes together so well.

Gah. No. Fucking no. This is not goddamn okay. Does photography fucking exist in this universe? ...because if it doesn't then this stupid "showed her fake pictures of what they're doing to me" thing is bullshit. It's a stupid and inefficient way of fake-proving to a person you're torturing their loved one. Now, I don't know if human rules apply to these spirity things, but clearly they can be tortured some way, so there's got to be some sort of physical evidence they could take to coerce. JFC this is like that one other historical where instead of sending the LI a finger or some blood-soaked hair/clothing author had them send freaking sketches of MC being tortured. Stupidity upon stupidity.


The latter half wasn't as effortlessly charming as the beginning was, but I suppose given the context of this piece's creation, that can be to some degree forgivable.

Eh. Yeah. Overall, I still liked it.

TBH, normally, it'd probably be a three because of the latter part, but given the context, I guess I'll go ahead and give it the fourth.

Meh. Third limited, yet none of the interior monologue that would give this piece - and this character, for that matter - character. It makes for a rather bloodless sort of read. DNF @ __ % promise of plot no longer outweighs having to sit through dry narration.


Running commentary:

The main problem with anything out of LT3 is I look for Derr-level writing, and most of the other authors haven't quite got Derr's charm and eloquence with the more fairy-tale genre. It makes reading feel uncomfortably like reading second-rate Derr for me (it's the goddamn layout that makes me feel this way; I just know it).


This story starts off...confusing. It takes a while for it to explain everything backstory-wise, and in the meantime, you kind of have to just nod and smile and move on, seeing as we have no other choice.

The sort of character dynamic the author's trying for could also do with more stuck-up/standoffish-ness from the LI and more scathing sarcasm from the MC, even if it's just internal, seeing as it's third person limited (actually, might be better if it were; would fit the character better). As is, it's a bit lukewarm.


Also, odd usage of a colon is odd. Seriously. It's okay to use a period there. At the very least, it should probably be a semi-colon? They're two separate sentences.


Eh. Obvious writing is obvious. Makes narration blah.


If a man is pretty, then no need to say "though his features were far too fine to make him handsome." Leave off the "though" and that sentence is so much better. (i.e. "He was pretty, his features far too fine to make him handsome." Still a bit diffuse, but no longer seemingly contradictory)


O god. Wow. Man has flower in hat. How did flower get into hat? Good job, MC. You're asking the real questions here. The question of a lifetime.

You know what? He did it. He found it. The Question. The Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything, the answer of which is 42. The question is, "How did Mirza Delano get a real lily onto his hat?" Everybody can go home now. We solved the universe.


No, fool Duke Uncle. MC's name isn't Mirza. Mirza's name is Mirza.

Wait. I wasn't going to quote, but I need to now:

"Mirza!" Rutland scolded before Basil could decide whether or not to answer.

Was asshole MC really considering not answering? For what possible reason? He has no reason not to answer, other than to be a pretentious asshole. What the fuck, man?


Eh. Unfunny bantering is unamusing.


That awkward moment when I'm mentally writing in my own character development into the narration...


Eh. This following scene makes sense with my mental addendum. Without it, it comes off as blah and wtf.


AUTHOR. NOW IS THE TIME FOR SEMI-COLON. NOT COMMA. COMMA CREATES COMMA SPLICE. COMMA SPLICE IS BAD. BAD BAD BAD. I USE IT WHEN I RAMBLE. WHICH IS NOT A GOOD SIGN. NOT THAT AUTHOR COULD KNOW, BUT STILL.

O hey, look, hello 2:36am. Nice to meet you *cough cough* fine, see you again.


No. I refuse to accept that. Why can MC "sense" this guy is lying? I don't accept that as something I should just accept. I demand to know why. "He didn't know why" is insufficient a reason to explain away this coincidentally too convenient sixth sense.


GDI. The plot has started and I still don't know/get wtf the premise behind MC is supposed to be. Something something taboo something publically disliked because of shit he couldn't control something something wait, why is he sniffing? Does he have magical olfactory sense? Apparently.

Gah. See, this explanation could have been stuck in when you had the MC and guy assigning assignment fail-bantering about stuff. Since you didn't bother explain anything, that was basically useless and now you had to interrupt plotty stuff for explanation. All you did earlier was create confusion. Confusion =/= tension. Yeesh.


JFC this is dry. D: where's the MC's thoughts? The tidbits that create the character and give the piece charm? So dispassionate...


Eh. Nope. Can't do it. *nope* I'm out.

Classic high fantasy. Rather simplistic classic high fantasy. It's like YA. Or maybe more J. Probs J.

I still hate the way the word "husband" sounds. Actually, I don't like the way the word "wife" sounds either. Husband sounds all crude and clunky and clumsy, like a stumble, and wife is like snarly and whiny. Man, English blows. Even "spouse" is meh cuz "mouse." Esposa is okay, though, so I dunno, must be the "ow" sound.

But yeah, eh, meh. I dunno. It's not sophisticated enough for my jaded tastes. It's too simplistically idealistic all around. Even/especially Jaden, The Jaded One. He fails to fulfill the requirements of his trope for my taste. Eh. YMMV.

Aww, and the story was so good, too. And then they broke out the conspiracies bull. Not saying the concepts behind it are necessarily bullshit, but it's like you're getting to know this person and you think they're really cool and awesome and you're really liking them, and then suddenly, out of the blue, they start discussing their tin foil hat collection with great animation, because God knows everyone could use some protection from the government brain probes, and they'd be happy to lend you some in the future because it never hurts to be careful.

But then, that's just an interlude. You're still sitting there silently, stunned, brain struggling to process, and the person picks up on the topic you were discussing before.

...what. the. fuck.

I want to fall back into the flow of things, but I'm still whiplashed from the oddly casual conspiracy theory sensationalization.


Oh, please. 8GB memory, 1TB HDD in a desktop computer in 2020 and you call that shit state of the art? We have that shit nowadays in laptops. Hell, my computer has 8GB memory and a 1TB hybrid hard drive. Sure, my processor's only 2.4 to this fantasy 3.2, but I'd expect it to be slightly higher by that time of year. But as for the HDD, I'd expect everything to be running on SSDs, though idk if they make those in desktops. Also, I feel like 8GB RAM is really little for a desktop computer. Pretty sure our old-ass desktop from ages ago had at least twice that. But yeah, unless that 1TB hard disk is an SSD, I refuse to be impressed by the paltry specs of her "state of the art" desktop.


I don't like the way the women are handled in this. They all seem like caricatures and have mostly too much kitschy presence, disproportionate, in my opinion, to their importance to the plot. I mean, for all the named female characters, I'm not even sure if it passes the Bechdel test. JFC stop trying to fill quotas. Actually, was that the point of the whole waxing poetic about her conspiracy theories? 'Cause, no, don't do that. All it does is make her more kitschy and plot-device-y and flat.


Speaking of, if the future really has eliminated all sorts of diseases, then Reegan should have died from exposure to contaminants. Unless they take care to innoculate.


Eh. Just...after the random awkward break, the illusion dissipated. Honeymoon period ended, I guess.

jsdfklsjd JFC. Fucking Silvia. This is the same goddamn thing with Alana Bloom. We're told that she's educated, intelligent, self-confident, etc., and yet on screen/on page, she acts solely as a foil for the MCs when she's not spouting PC soundbites and "pithy" oneliners. I don't want a female character we're told is all that. I want a female characters who is and acts like she's all that because she is. Giving the woman more lines does not a strong character make. Sure, giving the woman character more screentime is a step in the right direction, but that doesn't mean it's the only step that needs to be taken. Yeesh

So yeah, I never recovered fully after the Great Conspiracy Shock of ~40-something%

By the ending I was quite thoroughly indifferent. I wanted it to end less...idealistically. The way this was resolved leaves so many implication problems, and I still haven't recovered my trust of the story enough to overlook them.

On a side note, look, I started a lost potential shelf called "que lastima" But goddamn it this had the makings for a 3.5 ...

This "blurb" is bullshit. All I know about this story is it comes in Gothic-flavor. Who is the LI? What sort of plotty stuff happens? What is the main source of conflict? What a useless commercial.

Also, I'm a dweeb for making a reference to lines from a fanfic I read yeesh.

One of the MCs better be a goddamn dragon

...*squints at blurb suspiciously* I can't decide if this is going to be brilliant or pretentious as fuck. The blurb isn't enough to go on