Reader's Discretion Advised

I feel like this reminds me of some yaoi thing I read...or some not-yaoi...Tokyo Crazy Paradise?It was actually kind of okay - the writing was awk, but it wasn't too horrible - until this:"The Rocky Mountains called, maybe he'd go skiing, he had a condo in Vail in the foothills."O_o is that a triple comma splice?And it goes downhill from there."Obviously, Moretti was mixed race like Obama."*blink. blink*Am I the only one who finds this statement ludicrous (for whatever reason)?Also, wtf."'I'm Kenneth or Kenny Moretti.'"...yes. That's exactly how I introduce myself to people. Full name, nickname, last name. ...CALL ME BY ALL THESE NAMES.Aaaaand what? When did he get a file in his hand? Unless it's the wrong he? But then...why the hell is it phrased this way?Blah, blah, blah. Who cares, who cares, who cares. Posturing, "negotiating," obligatory call that'll finally convince him scene, cut to gloating scene, ah. Here it is. Sex.Coupla points:(1) Who da fuq says "drawers" to indicate underwear?(2) "'I don't know this is pretty long, and hard. Might not fit.'" Commas were invented for a reason. And not to unnecessarily go before conjunctions.(3) This Kenny dude, like Anastasia Steele, is apparently a Queen of Deepthroat. And Mason "geyser gushes." (Without a hyphen, I might add)"'The vineyards are my parents. They'd kick my ass if I fucked this up, especially over some premium ass.'"Okay, maybe the first part is figurative, so fine. However...the vineyards would kick his ass? That's some pretty advanced vineyards, I'd say.Ug. This is just...My final verdict would be give the exposition a barely cursory read and skip to the sex.Actually, you know what? Don't bother. It's a fucking caricature. The writing's not that good; there are grammatical, punctuation, and semantic problems everywhere; and the ideas aren't that well-worked. The sex is boring and laughable and the "romance" escalates far too quickly. I'm sorry, but no. It is NOT a foregone conclusion that they should magically end up together. You need the development to that point; otherwise, Kenny's just an easy slut who falls in love with any decent lay and Mason's a bored rich dude going through a mid-life crisis/on rebound.DNF @ 75% with tons of extreme skimming.